christmas!

it's christmas and i am not feeling tt excited at all. who will when u have to book in so early at 2030. outing trips have been a disaster! no one seems to be available to hang out w. blame it on my lack of slp too, zonked out so early, leaving no opportunity to create some late chances. it's too late!!

havent been updating this blog for almost a month. cool isnt it. i hardly have any time to waste when i am back home. let's no talk abt life inside the complex. it is really complex. having great fun every night n in the day w some ppl keep "disturbing" u. i really dun wish to scold and yell at anyone. but it is jus too bad. someone jus keep irritating me. not tt i am angry, jus tt it's a too complex feeling to describe. some guys are jus troublemakers even though they dun wish to be. blame it on nature.

thanx to this wonderful experience in the complex, i missed out many opportunities to hang out w my friends who seem to be free only on days tt i am not. wat a coincidence! blame it on the timing. since i've been doin so much shit for the past month training on recruit, mayb i shud jus UP all the way n earn myself some award.

thanx to the two swt ppl who sent me christmas cards. surprises are jus wat i need this christmas to inject excitement to my "no-lifer" lifestyle.

someone feels the stress..

1 wk in camp.. new expectations.. new challenges coming up.. (sounds so cheezzzzzy) and i dont think i am in the right frame of mind to handle the uncertainties yet.. it is quite frustrating to admit tt u are weak.. which is wat i am doin now.. this feeling's horrible.. i am supposed to be mentally strong, able to face any obstacle w a smile..

this sounds contradicting, i do appear to be smiling and optimistic abt the life ahead.. it is easy to fix tt it will be over soon.. everything will be jus fine mindset.. however, when i am being true to myself, i am quite afraid to handle ppl under me who always challenge authority or watsoever as described by the higher ranking and experienced ppl.. i do see wat coming up will be exciting and fun.. but i know it will be quite a challenge to avoid the "extras" which are lurking arnd to get attached to me.. jus hope for less.. of cos best never!

friday night was annoying.. book out supposed to be a happy thing.. coming home and knowing my aunt was visiting at night really turned me off.. and i got wat i expected i would get when she arrived.. talking to me abt med applications when i was totally not interested in tt topic after a wk in camp.. this life i am leading now is dull and boring.. i somehow lost my cool again (which is v normal) and made everyone unhappy..

sometimes ppl jus dont understand certain "instructions".. my mom told my aunt to keep away from tt topic.. sigh.. sat wasnt really fruitful too.. a boring day at home.. woke up early.. the internet was playin pranks on me.. showing me attitude.. on and off as it wishes.. singnet.. thanks for coloring up my wkend w fiery red..

when one is weak, the need for love comes in.. when tt comes in.. i am screwed.. it is impossible to remove her out of my mind for now.. seriously i duno wat i want.. irritating.. feel like calling her but lack the courage.. or shall i say i cant find a good reason to call her.. but do i need a reason to call her if she is my friend? if there is something holding me back, isnt tt implying i dun see her as a friend or else i would have jus called her..

everyone is busy w his/her daily routines.. i really dun wish to disrupt anyone's by askin them out.. i hope to meet up w ppl.. but now everything seems so formal.. askin ppl out requires booking in advance for sarah's case.. or else i always hit the nail when i request till the pt (now) tt i am tired of askin ppl out..

physical training in camp distracts.. mayb i should use tt to distract myself from all these unwanted trouble in my life.. 14 dec.. countdown to the day when i meet the new ppl.. hopefully they arent too wild for my liking.. how i am supposed to control ppl w authority when i hate ppl to control me? seldom cooperation comes without control (mostly using the fear factor).. i shall look intimidating.. hail qk the great!!!

swift and deadly
first and foremost
i am the great
dnkn!