i cant slp..

sigh.. i cant slp..

wow.. another breaking news..

hahaha. when ur friends suddenly become really serious when they tell u something. u have to be prepared for a little shock :D

i was stunned again
gd luck have fun! although it has been ongoing for quite some time.

FREE: thats a nice word to describe myself. it is encouraging for now :D

a few wks of nonsense like lis.. caroling.. and the new gorgeous.. i think it has to end. it doesnt really help much in anything, maybe just pure entertainment. i liked that this period though.

it had been quite a long time since i convinced myself that i wont be able to see new light for quite some time. i am not a plant which seeks for light but more of a fungi - parasite.

i shall bask in the light of "CUI-NESS!"

haha emo for awhile.. time to slp

i lvl up!!

i think i lvled up.. matured abit..
but i guess i will dlvl once i get back to uni n meet my frens..

bgr isnt a prob to me anymore.. yea i can live w/o one.. r/s are complicated.. those w hot dates do give them up soon

:D

random comment: rajesh u are way too fast!!

...

i feel so inferior

when things surfaced...

yea quarreling at home again. i wonder how i can really concentrate on studying.
i've read the notes etc, but i dont seem to grasp the concept. i am not 100% sure of myself understanding but i am definitely sure my parents are helping me accumulate stress unnecessarily.

grandma, aunt, dad and money. quarrels started by my mom always seem to revolve around these topics. it used to be 1 or 2 out of these options. it is still manageable. when all 4 are involved, it's quite a hassle.

mother and daughter in law conflicts.
protection of own interests
indifferent attitude towards problems
filial piety
who contributed more money

all these are giving me problems.
yea for fk i waste time writing here.. i should be reading notes, viewing powerpoints presentations. doin tutorials. it will be a good form of distraction.

i cant totally say my mom is unreasonable, causing all the problems and the noise.
i cant say my dad is totally right, remaining silent is a form of evasion.
i cant agree that my grandma is not wrong, for she is fking insistent n heed no advice.. fk her.. forget abt the filial piety shit.. sometimes she is too much..

EVERYONE should just fk off..
sigh.. i am going off track again..

lets get back to angular momentum..
there is still gravitation waiting..

another day gone..

i had a run last night and met something which annoyed me. sometimes u may wonder why accidents tend to occur at night? (hope it is true, i am sayin this jus to support my point) i was on the way back from my night run, acrossing the road slowly admiring the flashing green man. poor green little man, has to wake up every few minutes. how does he even get any rest?! tts besides the point, this car was turning as i was acrossing the traffic, he had no intention to slow down, neither do i have the intention to spd up. he almost knocked me when the traffic light didnt even indicate turning is allowed.

i can make two wonderful conclusions on tt driver who happen to be of a darker skin color. (i am not being racist here, it is part of the description! i have to disclaim first for i dont w to get into trouble w the law).
1. he is blind - since he cant see the green man blinking and no turning sign from the traffic light. i was wearing a blue singlet w reflective materials at the side lining.
2. the damn driver horned at me. KNNCCB. it was his fault for reckless driving. he stared at me and i glared at him w the WTF look, while i still walked slowly across the road.

if u cant drive properly dont act tough. one reason i nv started learning driving, i dont want to get anyone hurt.

today i had maths tuition. did some qns w shaun. i realised after doin so much phy my mode of operation has become simplifying the answer required into a single equation and doing substitution. lol. it is kinda funny and i cant think like how i did when i was in sec 4. hahaha. mayb tts a sign of maturing :D
hopefully this can go on, and no fking test can stop me! lol..

lalalala.. i wanna go breathe some fresh air again!!

the mid terms ended..

well it's a good reality check and an opportunity to understand urself better.
this chapter of my pathetic life showed me how fragile i am mentally. i am one who cant face setbacks. wtf. the maths test totally crushed me, dampened my confidence and build up enormous amt of pressure for me to do well. the test tells me how i will be summarised in one word: Fucked

there are lessons learnt from the midterms. since i am graded by jus only 1-2 tests. i muz act like an opportunist. it doesnt really matter if i can solve those problems everyday, if i Fk the test, i will be Fk, no matter how Fking gd i am (if i were one in the 1st place). it is stupid of me to start the day at 6 ante meridien and doin a maths test at 8.30 post meridien without proper rest. this is a FKing gd example of a FKing bad time management. thanks to lack of focus and panicking at the most inappropriate times, i made tonnes of careless mistakes etc. THANKS

for the EG test, well i am blind to miss out on a part of the question. it's really fuckstrating, since it is like dribbling the ball past 3 defenders and round the gk and STOP - refusing to do the simple tap in. WTF

Phy test - the only test i am satisfied w myself. even though there are qns i couldnt do, or having insufficient amt of time to attempt, i managed to solve those i could do. i think so. at least i dont expect much from this test since my phy has always been Fk. lol. i am happy w my performance.

THE F WORD is the most versatile word in the dictionary. lets EMBRACE IT.. lets all go FUCK!

the big bang theory 3..

leonard and penny finally had sex! lol. their convo after the action.

LEONARD: you know how they say when friends have sex, it can get weird.
PENNY: sure
LEONARD: why does it have to get weird?
PENNY: i dont know
LEONARD: i mean, we were friends and now we are more than friends. we were whatever this is. but why label it? right? i meant. it is what it is.
PENNY: Leonard. it's weird.
LEONARD: totally

its so FUNNY!!!

i've gotten my new bed! yea! finally my back can ease its suffering every night.

had a really funny dinner w val.
thanks for stealing my cushion seats
and offering to treat me dessert when the notes and coins were insufficient! lol epic scene!
friendly advice if u are reading this. stop trying to tie ur hair tt way. it is bad for u!!

3 topics

BONDS
certain bonds arent broken so easily.
i still miss u.

LIES AND DECEPTION
there are too many lies revolving arnd us.
why muz there be so many secrets? sigh

NEW LIVING CONDITIONS
i muz say i am not used to it.
it juz doesnt feel right at home, i dont really wanna revise anything! tts worrying.
but great man cant use this as an excuse for his own laziness!
in general, i juz have to say tt i cant live "comfortably" w my grandparents. its not tt i dont welcome them in my house. juz tt the feel isnt right.

MAF celebrations

It was the annual MAF (mid autumn festival) of HC yesterday. I didnt attend it. I felt that there wasnt a need to participate in the "celebrations" since majority of the class isnt even going.

Even though the carnival-style celebration, consisting of the climax of the lighting up the entire school and the mass dance, was created in name of the chinese festival, the purpose behind the party was using the festival as an opportunity for old classmates to meet up, catch up and reminisce. Who in the right mind for youths to celebrate such a festival which place emphasis on traditions on eating mooncakes, viewing the full moon and drinking hot tea?

The celebration utilise on aspect of the MAF - reunion. Forget about the mooncakes and tea drinking! You can really say viewing the moon was part of the plan since the celebration was conducted on a new lunar month - The New Moon. You will just be staring into the dark sky at night.

Reunion, 79 doesnt really need a reunion! The guys just met recently for the "bbq + drinking" session at royston's dwelling. Although I always thought jiaqi was radical about the girls in class, now i actually felt that he was quite right. LOL. Lets not discredit them for they are Year3 now. There's alot of mugging and assignments piled up on them. It is up to one if he/she wants to find time out of the busy schedule. Make some sacrifice. It goes back to priorities. I wont say their priorities arent right since they clash with mine. I totally respect their decisions, however, I will keep to my faith - end the day with a big bang! I need (s)excitement!LOL

Time cures everything, it also erodes everything. Relationships are meant to be maintained, someone has to take the initiative to do it. People tend to let laziness overflow. Staying with the status quo is always the best option. Inertia.

Lets Hope the class doesnt die out now..

no regrets

got kinda drunk yst.. felt the effects of alcohol for the first time..
tried v hard to stay normal.. managed to.. but jus couldnt stop talking rubbish..
alcohol really makes u talk..

i wasnt wasted.. haha.. didnt puke.. didnt do any tutorials or any revision this wkend..
but it isnt time to regret.. haha..

well i had fun!

hohoho

time management is something which i cant grasp at all. i love to squander time. a few hours of circuits get me nowhere, left me frustrated after tryin for several times. the nxt morning, everythin seems to be in place. the answers revealed themselves with jus one try. lesson learned, do circuits when u are fresh and focused.

clashes. there is only 24 hours a day. i've allocated them in a haphazard manner in which i require total discipline to squeeze time here and there for revision. time flies and the best of all is my disicpline is much left to be desired. mayb SAF is required for this..

talkin abt SAF, dennis has evaded CSM course. hopefully it doesnt end up to be me. although i have this omen saying it is COMING. i dont really like this organisation/or singapore as a whole in their empty promises. i think i am becoming more influenced, losing faith in the country where i grew up in. mayb my roots are still back in china. well, i guess i am still nowhere. sense of belonging is a mutual thing. sry china, i dont see myself as any part of u. as for sg, it's kinda disappointing. PM's talk abt new immigrants i guess is only cater for those who arrived recently. for those who lived for like 10yrs, u are just expendable. well, how can i forget when tt ICA lady said to me the other day. mayb it's just her views, but she represents the govt (ICA) so (why am i still on this topic)..

in conclusion, i still dont have a sense of belonging.. rejected goods.. lol..

distractions

troubles.. never ending..
trying to understand the topics.. sometimes trying too hard..
worrying abt unnecessary issues..
the tuition grant application.. it used to be nothing to worry abt.. now i have to..
waiting for the reply from ICA.. root of all problems
ppl advising me to apply for an overseas uni and if possible, study abroad..

the reasons they give me are perfectly acceptable and seriously worth considering. however, did they ever think abt the consequences or what might happen if i really fly.
if there is a real intention to fly, it will be wise to just withdraw from the tuition grant scheme. however what if i am not going overseas, then the tuition fees will be a bomb.
fine, i get the tuition fees and i fly. who suffers? my parents. they are held responsible for my voiding of the bond/contract.

it's said that one will know when one grows up. yea, i am feeling all the pressure of growing up. i cant seem to please anyone. it is affecting me somehow.. now.. sigh.. just hope someone can understand me alittle more.. think from my perspective.

i bless myself.

the screwed up round 1c

round 1c of bidding is a total failure. i attribute it to my indecisiveness.. damn i am like a pussy, scared of putting in points.. wtf qk u suck!

i realise i am in some trouble again.. but it can be solved somehow at the expense of something.. a rare chat w my mom gave me some strength.. tts y they always say ur family is always the one u can depend on.. i wont b a bastard to my family members anymore.. this time i am real, i mean it.. i will tell my mom whatever she askes even though i am totally against it.. (contradicting?)

this episode made me realise i am still an immatured kid.. or i should say not fully matured.. i've made some resolutions.. i will fulfil them.. i muz resist all temptations.. i am growing up again?!

well i do see hope in my tutorial grp and the ppl in my bioeng department.. i promise i will cut down on being a nuisance and kpkb less.. make less racist remarks (but i seriously meant it as a joke but not targeting a certain race).. anyw i apologise for my immature behaviour..

optimistic!!!

counting down to studying again

it shud b a pleasant start for now.. everything is more or less in place.. i hope

it's always fun to talk to ur friend's parent.. it jus feels really weird and kinda out of place..

"hi auntie. valerie's mom right? i'm qk" lol.. how did this line come out from me?

sms classic!
"hi my little friends" lol i'm gonna save tt SMS..

yst was a fun day.. nice food.. esp the chilli..
took the bus (which is going the opposite way).. thanks god i managed to alight n boarded the LAST BUS home.. it isnt nice to be stuck near Chinatown at 12 and the taxi fare is really EX!!!

thanks to the someone who is gonna threaten me w some photo on facebook.. lol.. unglam photos? hahaha i dun really care.. :D

O week has vacant slots.. i lost interest in signing up alr.. hahaha

uni life ah!!!

the mutiny in rappelz has completed. somehow it marks the end of my gaming "career" hahaha.. or at least for now..

time to go back to studies! woohooo.. sadly to say, i din manage to go any camps to meet some PROSPECTIVE interesting friends. its ok.. they will come when the real deal begins

the citizenship crap isnt solved.. i finally wrote letters to ICA to complain after the MP visit. i am really having doubts if the MP approach can help me.. it has been 1 wk n there isnt any reply yet from him or ICA.. anyw, if it succeeds, mayb i would like to get a gf by the name of vivian.. or name my future daughter vivian.. i guess tt name will bring me good luck!

uni modules bidding.. it sounds scary like a world out there where ppl might outbid u w their enormous fortune of points. bidding sucks like in rappelz auction house.. in order to win, one has to camp there n wait like an idiot. hope i am lucky this time round.

now lets talk abt one interesting thing i've noticed abt my fellow countrymen. sometimes i pity them, sometimes i jus feel tt they deserve it.. PRC, CHINAMAN, watever ppl call them. they are mostly inconsiderate, those 20-40 working PRCs in singapore i guess.. one i saw was clipping his nails on the MRT.. kinda wtf.. or i should say totally WTF!!! an indian commuter tried to tell him not to.. but since one is an indian and one is a chinese (100%chinaman), there is some communication breakdown.. n the chinese thought the indian wanna borrow the clipper.. it was really an incident worth LOL-ing.

i am totally bored at the lanshop. certain policies in life cant really work. it is always practicality vs principles. for example, my boss says no food and drinks allowed in the shop.. but guess what, his main customers always eat in the shop. like now, there is a heavy spender eating watermelon in the lan shop.. wtf eating WATERMELON..
it is always wrong to surf porn.. but if i see a customer surfing porn, do i go n tell him off? no.. cos he comes to pay to surf porn. lol.. he is paying me salary indirectly, why would i reject my $$$?

i came into contact w an really interesting malaysian ah pui this morning on bus.. he chose to sit behind me and his loud talkin on the phone totally ruined the wonderful music coming out of my earpieces.. thanks FATTY PAL!

he made 2 phone calls.. first he spoke in english (if u considered it as engilsh)
let me retell his story for my viewers (if there are any, this blog is so dead for so long)
this is how it goes:
fatty msian has problems w indians.
he got into a fight w an indian at work.
he got caught by the police
he got his godgrandpa who happens to b a big shot to save his ass

interesting quotes:
i am msian, in msia few indians so i buay gum w indians in sg
i am msian, the msian govt will protect me
i am msian, my godgrandpa is msian president.. pardon me i duno if there is really a msian president but i am jus quoting wat i heard..
my godgrandpa come down when he heard i got caught, the police see him oso stunned. they scare of him so they released me
i got time, got work opportunities, if i dun work here i can always work at another place.. (he sounds like a big shot, but by looking at him, u will have seroius DOUBTS abt it)

in conclusion i jus find him fk up.. n he is a really arrogant msian who depends on his so called god grandpa..

back i am!

i havent been doin anythin really considered as productive.. but anyw i enjoyed my time :D

wow when was my last post?!

it's been really long since i last dropped an entry here.. i guess my fans are vanishing one by one due to my lack of appearance in the INTERNETIONAL scene.. here i am with a COMEBACK! give me ur support!! "shut up!" lol

rappelz has slowed down.. losing time + interests.. there are certain things in life which have to be prioritised before gaming.. however, no gaming = really boring.. at least it's no longer addiction as some might say.. :D

working more for the past 2 wks due to certain reasons.. an obligation i shud say but it is an avenue of income and changing a way to waste precious time.. haha..
wasting time is an art.. it's nt like gaming is bad (cos it wastes time), if i dun waste time on gaming, i will waste it on something else too.. :D lets nt talk abt gaming but more interesting stuff!

i wanna go out with ppl.. who wanna ask me out?! i think i will write again later.. =X cya folks.. i am still around.. not dead yet

time to get back on track

i've been gaming for the past 2 mths. i can say it is addiction.. almost more than 15hours a day on RAPPELZSEA.. i liked tt game from the time i played it 2 yrs ago.. the pet and card system is addictive.. anyw, it was more of the party i have.. now the party sort of disbanded as of today.. it shud be a gd sign.. i may play less on this game..

the past month had been so so.. having the last jointed exercise in army, facing some problem w the citizenship application.. having a boring CNY..

well the good news is i am ORDing in 2 days.. freedom at last, which means i have to set new priorities.. i cant be spamming Rappelz whole day long.. i do need some income.. something has to be done..

i need to go out & meet my dear friends too..

improve my relationships w my family.. sigh..

but (ironically) i do see myself slappin myself in my face, gaming alot.. sigh.. busy = less time to waste.. i need to be busy w work..