zzz

time for a change..

turtle shell..

sometimes it is always better to be hiding in ur own turtle shell.. get urself isolated from the rest of the world once u feel happy..

1 wk left n there is nothin much for me to do.. ask ppl out.. no one will go.. msg ppl.. no one will reply most of the time.. call ppl? who can i call?.. forget it.. i think i shud jus slp..

n there is oso the pre-enlistment blues.. i duno y i am feelin blue too..

yst was nice.. i hope everyday was a yst.. =D
all smiles..

call me mad or wat..

now i feel really great..
thanx for everything..

=D

i will continue to love u..
in a different way..

when qk is bored.. he does stuff to make himself feel worse..

i totally agree w the title of this entry..
i always observe qk.. i am his admirer.. i am qk..

y do u haf to go online n see someone online n talk to someone?
even if u talk to someone.. dun ask qns u noe she wont answer?!
n express some of the thoughts u felt abt the convo.. are u jus stupid?!

if u wish to end ur day w some crappy low feeling.. jus do it alone w/o affecting someone else..
mayb she wasnt affected - this thought ends u in deeper shit..
if she was affected - u feel like shit too.. "win-win" situation.. qk, u are really in v v v deep shit..

since u are alr in this state.. jus continue w it? i owe someone an apology n a better explanation.. i jus hate qk for being so curious to find out certain answers even when the answers have no use in changing the situation or anything.. answers will lead to more qns.. vicious cycle.. i knew it.. n yet qk wants to get himself into such messy situations.. he deserves to be smacked..

u are useless.. really useless..

today

has been boring..

zzzz

screwed up..

great.. ntu..
i left the entire chunk for section B blank.. non-academic achievements.. lol..

anyw their format for application is weird..
arts and culture - national lvl.. (i think syf is considered under it) they are vague.. v inspecific..

the write essay (200 words) turns me off.. lol..
i still have to get chengyen his "appraisal" for section B..
see how.. if not need to go sch tml.. sian..

it's raining now.. v heavily..

got tuition later on.. this makes ppl feel dull again..

RAIN = bad luck (i jus think i screwed the application)
it's so accurate XD

abyss of eternal suffering

sometimes..

i need ppl to comfort me too (at the right moments)

gdnite.. (i cant slp)

i dun wanna talk abt it..

y muz "terrible" news always come to me? in one form or another..

forget it.. it will soon be over.. am i happy tt 9 april is coming? lol..

the beginning of ns means the end of something else..

beware of ppl.. i shud jus trust myself.. haha :D

i haf to write this down before i forget..

as for today (tuesday), i woke up at 11 plus i guess.. msn awhile.. eat breakfast+lunch.. den i went to slp again.. (dun remind me tt it's a pig's lifestyle.. dun insult pigs.. they live a more fulfillin life than me) i had a dream before i fell aslp..

is it day-dreaming? or i was half aslp.. w tt dream.. n when i opened my eyes.. i feel really fresh.. like i did not fall aslp at all.. it doesnt matter.. the most impt part abt the dream is tt.. i dreamt of 05s79 as a class.. in some lecture theatre.. appears to be in sch but i am quite sure the interior of the LT isnt the sch's. however the exterior is.. dreams are really amazing..

the contents of the dream is wat i dun wish to talk abt.. it isnt v nc16 or m18.. mayb some might not accept it.. the keyword is might.. (i accept it though).. well.. i will haf the story told halfway.. happy guessing everyone.. dont u jus love suspense and mystery! (i dont)

while i was having dinner. this thought came across my mind.. i wanted to go running later.. n i did.. (as i mentioned in the previous post) my imaginations ran wild.. how did i even think of tt..

i was thinkin if i ran in the park.. which i think shud be v secluded at nite.. v dark.. den some dark guy (i duno why it has to be a dark guy too) will sneak attack me from behind n rape me.. (the idea of me being raped by a guy never came across my mind except for during dinner today).. damn.. den i wondered, will i be traumatized? den will i be exempted from NS? phobia of guys.. or specifically tt part.. or will i be v afraid of dark guys.. how will ppl think of me suddenly exempted from NS? wats the reaction of those arnd me.. i'm sure some will feel disgusted.. i think i will feel disgusted too.. how will i react as a victim? i am unsure too.. i subconsciously told myself i will jus let it go.. will i? i wonder again..

on hindnote..i wont even experience this kinda incidents.. so y bother thinkin so much?!

however, i seriously wonder how do we actually think? how does the brain think? y do i haf such a dream abt ppl (drop hint: a girl) in class.. the image in the dream was so realistic..

anyone wants a discussion? lol

unfit

jus came back from running n bathing.. coooool

ran a weird route.. actually the route doesnt matter.. the pt is i ran.. brought a watch along to time.. it's quite useless though, cos i din even noe wat distance i've covered.. the timing isnt accurate too, w stops to watch the traffic (i dun wanna get knocked down b4 i even see bmt sch 2).. i declare qk unfit.. feeling little bits of pain at the chest.. woohoo.. i am gonna die!! the heart isnt accustomed to the pace yet.. gay..

did some pull-ups.. v few.. pathetic.. but i shud be glad tt it isnt none.. anyw, those few i did implies tt i failed.. lol.. dun think i these few days, it will improve by alot.. so.. jus go in weak.. come out.. abit stronger.. XD

a v dumb idea..
everyone has an id. a set of numbers. diff countries haf diff sets of id.
every prisoner has an id. a set of numbers. diff prisons haf diff sets of id.
everyone is a prisoner..

other similarities
everyone has parents..
every prisoner has parents..
anyone can be a male or female.
any prisoner can be a male or female.

everyone wants freedom.
every prisoner wants freedom.

i conclude.. i am jus acting as a moron.. ignore me..

loads of rubbish

for the past few days, i think i am still quite satisfied w my life. completed another book (finally) watched a few movies (cinema n some from lsd). i do consider it as enriching to the mind.

the interpretation of murder - depicts a story more or less revolving arnd female plottin to ruin this man (who isnt gd too). murders w the incorporation of ideas from freud which i assume is more or less factual. anyw, a note to guys: beware of woman!

movies. watched teenage mutant ninja turtles (w weeloon, the movie he insisted to watch). quite boring. the graphics arent tt great. the turtles arent cool enuf for me. mayb i expect too much from tmnt shows. their turtles look ugly. they shud at least make them more cute. the plot is quite dumb. it is like a guy thing: comradery and honour. the fighting isnt magnificent at all. wat evoke my emotions shud b the comradery the 4 turtles showed. fight tog spirit. the foot clan's honour oso "stunned" me a lil.

talk abt dumb movies.. thanx lsd.. spaceballs.. a real lame parody. "i am a mog. half man, half dog. i am my own's best fren" wtf.. really lame. it is jus a comedy. quite gd for relaxation. spaceballs once again reminded me how scary girls can be.. when the princess vespa's hair was shot. she got pissed off. after "you son-of-a-bitch" she blasted all the troopers. lol. never offend a girl.

the "stranger than fiction" is far better than spaceballs! wats so attractive of the film is the digital graphics showing numbers. etc. slick. the female lead (the baker) is attractive. astonishing beauty! tt smile really melt my heart. did it? haha she's perfect except for the big patch of tattoo on one of her arm. nvm. she is a real beauty. interesting story.. an unique way for the character to halt his daily routine n think abt his life and how he shud live the life he hoped for. this little changes can only happen when u attempt to step out. i guess i reality, one doesnt haf to wait until something happens before reviewing one's life. jus take the first step! wonders awaits u.. qk.. wat are u waitin for? mayb u might even meet a baker too?

ppl move on.. someone cant forget wileen.. face it.. u cant.. the feeling is like bacteria frozen at extremely low temp. it wont die out. it is jus inactive. waitin for the chance, opportunity to act again. haf been playin mario tennis on gba emulator.. it's tennis.. i downloaded maple again. 600+mb. sometimes i jus cant let go. imissu always exists, his existence was for angeleen, n now still is for angeleen (even though imissu is a screwup priest).. m i waitin for her to thaw the ice. give the bacteria warm again to be active again, multiply n grow, infest her.. qk! stop dreaming.. it probably wont happen..

HEY YOU! dont u dare to extinguish the flames of my hope! i still haf the right to hope.. ah Q k.

ppl are busy, engross in their work :D tts a gd thing.. qk feels neglected but it shudnt be much of a prob. he understands.. anyw, he is used to bein alone.. long live qk..

i desire power. i demand popularity. i detest porcupines! (jus kidding)

penning too much nonsense only implies tt qk needs to rest.
gdnite, my world!
qk the great

woohooo

when i want to blog.. the net is down..
when the net is up.. i forgot wat i wanna write abt..
tts life..

full of contradictions..

oh.. i finished reading the interpretation of murder.. woohoo.. another milestone!!

beware of women.. haha.. never offend one.. tts a v dumb analysis of tt book..

woohooo..

i got my mom to cut my hair.. it ended up in a horrible state.. nvm.. it's jus hair.. they grow.. unlike those on some ppl's head.. muahahaha..

peaceful yet kinda werid

i shall talk abt my outings in future.. or mayb i wont even mention them..

anyw, today is kinda peaceful.. quiet.. too quiet..

no more quarrels w my mom.. she is not talkin to me.. petty mom..
mayb it is jus women.. i dun wish to explain myself either.. it muz be the women thing.. i am not goin to support my point.. (mayb my reason isnt a strong one.. but i jus haf this feelin it is a women thing)

quietness.. it shall b..

women always cause u "troubles" in one form or another..

mother and son

in general, i find tt mothers and sons cant coexist..

everyday, i wont fail to haf a heated discussion ending w both pissed off..
the next day, everyone n everythin will b back to normal.. den another heated argument..

do u love this kind of routine?

....

mayb some ppl arnd me are right on their views on certain issues..
i am getting more n more pessimistic.. yeah.. watever i believe in mayb jus an illusion.. mirage..

history may repeat..
(actually it happens all the time)
quarrels w mom.. ppl getting upset..

qk.. no pt holding on to certain hopes..
mayb it isnt gonna work out..
med/engineering (what kind?)/or more options.. sigh..

soon, the end might come.. sad..
ns is compulsory.. they give u hardly any freedom..

the end..

i am a confused man..

sometimes i duno wat is wrong w me.. yeah.. i think there is a big problem.. which i cant identify..
simply wonderful..
is this part of growing up? or i am jus too immature.. or am i jus starting to mature.. caught in the middle kind of thing.. who noes?!

had a taste of cocktail yst.. y do ppl wanna create cocktail when it is like jus some fruit essence + alcohol.. zzz.. anyw, tt isnt the main issue.. sarah asked me y i din keep to my "vow" of not gonna drink n smoke.. i've broken one of the rules set for myself.. lol

to answer this qn.. interesting.. i am oso quite unsure.. mayb i was jus too pure thinking (for alcohol) after drinking u will lose ur senses n get into trouble? lol.. tt bit of alcohol doesnt hurt much? i think i oso duno y i broke my rules.. i am inconsistent w myself.. self-contradicting..

i think i used to haf a v "kiddo" opinion of this world.. how i shud change it.. being too naive = diggin ur own grave.. like i've told lsd.. i am tryin to be more "evil".. i will.. i will!!! haha.. i doubt it too.. cold-blooded.. i haf to learn to live like a tortoise..

i am becomin more pessimistic..
self-confidence droppin drastically..
seriously.. i prefer tt old self (AB)

give me strength!

ding dong

it was goin as well as i hoped.. it always ends in tt way..

at least some are polite or nice enuf to reply, tellin me they cant make it..
while others jus ignored when they felt it doesnt concern them..
some jus replied a little too late.. i dont mind now..

as for scholarships.. same phrase to use.. a little too late..

well.. life's never straight.. i need to adapt to "survive" in the society..

time to learn again..

blank..

i think i need to reformat myself..

i am too extreme..

i haf to stop thinking too extremely..

rational rather than emotional.. i think i was emotional n insisted i wasnt.. was i?

i think i am not there yet.. i cant draw a line between emotional n rational thinking.. i haf to re-think?.. yeah.. rethink..

ahh NO MORE AB..

random thoughts part2..

so channel 5 broadcasted "Royal Tenenbaum" again.. i din complete the film last time (duno how many years back) but it really caught my attention.. those settings.. the dialogues.. the characters.. which is so slow.. set u to think.. there are lots of yellow, brown.. it appeared so sad.. so lifeless..

the film talks abt a family, facing diff problems.. quite heartwarming scenes..

wat i've learnt from the film? i am oso not sure.. i guess it is probably admit tt u haf a problem.. den face it.. try to deal w it.. it will be much better than tryin to evade.. isnt tt wat i am doin now?!?! lol.. evasion..

sigh.. thinkin of other stuff too.. too personal to blog.. or too confused how to write it down..

my mom realised tt the jigsaw is gone.. asked me excitedly who i gave it to.. who am i so willin to spend so much time to piece a jigsaw.. as usual.. i jus shut her up.. "you dun haf to noe.. n the piecing and giving away the jigsaw are two diff issues.. not related at all"

qk u insolent AB.. wat's said is said.. i dun think i need to apologise too..

some convo on msn.. this line made me agitated.. "20 minutes a mth for hugs n kisses".. reflecting on it, i oso couldnt explain why i felt agitated.. mayb it's the idea of not respecting r/ships w couples unable to meet up due to undesired circumstances.. ok.. i despise tt guy.. anyw, the internet was quite intelligent to be cut off at the right time.. it prevented me from typing offensive remarks.. thanx singnet for once..

K! q u..

all my random thoughts..

different thoughts keep entering my mind.. dumb ones and mayb "intellectual" ones.. my tiny brain cant take it anymore? i duno.. too numbed by the invasion.. mayb i shall pen down some thoughts..

a NEWs article.. from a v bad source (the NEWPAPER)..

according to the article, MP Madam Cynthia Phua asked in Parliament if it was right for sec schs to do "force" students to drop subjects in order to ensure good overall results..

this dropping subject "scheme" has been there for so long.. n only now, some MP raised this issue.. it's no big deal.. if the sch ask student to drop a sub becos he/she din do well.. jus drop it.. it is the student who placed (him/her)self into tt position.. it is not tt they din noe the consequences of taking the sub n not doin well.. they were warned.. it is jus like a contract (jus a verbal one).. the minute the student took 3 pure sciences in sec sch, he/she signed the contract, knowing tt if he/she din do well.. he/she may haf to drop it.. harsh realities of life.. face it!

Harphal Singh, Principal of Telok Kurau Sec Sch launched his "triple science experiment". basically allowing all sec 3 Express students to take 3 pure sciences.. He said that his aim was to give sutdents a choice to do the subjects tt they could never do otherwise. He added tt there was a strict condition, if they cannot cope (cannot pass) at the end of sec 3, they have to drop the subject or switch to a combined-science option.

well as usual.. conditions apply! so if u fail to meet the criteria, face the consequences.. stop protecting the students, MP.. (this article is on thursday..)

den yst (sat) i peeped at someone's newpaper n saw some followed up article.. LOL.. the line i rmbed so clearly was something like this askin them to drop subjects becos they are "deemed not smart enough".. lol.. i think tt writer is really Noob.. (no offence).. it is jus him/her who deemed the students not smart enuf.. generally, sec sch students taking all 3 sciences or any sub combi can do well (or at least pass) if they put in effort in revision n studyin.. how often u see sec sch students loitering at shopping centres? lol.. basically more subs u take.. the more time u haf to invest on them in order to do well.. since they are not helpin themselves by investing time n effort.. lol.. face it.. drop the subject! woohooo.. (sounds sadist?) if one isnt interested to work hard on the sub, why bother takin it in the 1st place..

lets take it if the student really worked v hard n still failed to do well.. n is forced to drop it.. den this perfectly fit into the objective of sg's education system :D by working really hard n still unable to make the mark, this means tt sub isnt for tt student.. he/she doesnt haf the flair for it.. quote from Social Studies txtbook "to educate a child to bring out his greatest potential so tt he will grow into a gd man and a useful citizen" and "cater to the diff abilities and learning paces of students".. so it fits into this nicely.. by droppin the sub, the student can focus on other subs to develop his potential.. excellent.. seriously, they shud close this case..

survival of the fittest.. if u cant do well.. u are eliminated by the majority, unless u try to stand up again on ur own.. tt's life.. :D face it students.. u2 MP..

week reflections..

monday tuesday wednesday.. wat have i been doin? i wonder too.. slpin at 5 am waking up at 11am.. always feelin tired.. i am basically on the com playin fm07.. completed 2 seasons? always struggling tryin to win the EPL.. erm.. chelsea is jus signing too many stars.. XD.. the money saver qk wont wanna spend.. zzz.. then suddenly the new season (09/10 season) was really successful.. always winning usually by real luck.. injury time winners.. controvesial goals.. who cares.. a win is a win.. losing 1st leg of CL quarter final 2:0 away.. den winning 2nd leg 3:0 home.. wat luck.. best of all.. CL final.. scoring a goal.. den got 1 red card.. opponent equalised.. leading again by a freekick.. den another red card for me.. my 2 strikers are out.. lol.. oppo equalised again.. guess wat.. my RB managed to counter att.. dribble past 2 defenders and placed a shot into the goal.. i won 3:2.. w 9 men.. NO strikers.. lol.. games are all CHEATERS.. if they want u to win.. u will win by all means.. hope this continues..

thursday.. went to sch.. to help lcy to get mrs tan ac to write a referee report for his scholarship application.. mrs tan advised me to go find miss ooi ag.. lol..

had a nice fri nite :D lol

happy today..
unhappy tml.. open houses.. decision making.. best of all.. i am alone..

reality check

u follow rules..

passion brings u no where if u dun haf a bunch of supporters (fans)

hard work doesnt pay if u are a loner

no matter how gd u are.. if u are not well-liked by others.. say GDBYE to this world..

qk stop dreaming wat u wanna do in future.. how to help others..
get ur feet on the ground.. haf enuf $$ n u can call the shots..

tts life..

-loads of crap-

...

i haf a very encouraging mom..

thanx..

4 is better than 3.. 3 is better than 4..

having 4 is definitely better than having 3..
but having a 3 is better than a 4..

-_-" failure is here!

i condemn qk..

failed mission

MY MISSION FAILED.. qk u are jus a big failure..

it is hard to find someone who understands me..
it is even harder to find a gal who understands me..
so basically.. qk.. stay single.. u need time to understand urself too..

being alonely sets u thinking..
when u thinking alone.. u always think negatively..
when things are all negative.. (i oso duno wat will happen)

i jus haf this feelin tt there is somethin undone.. i am nt v sure wat it is..
i think i can understand y ppl do hurt themselves when they feel low n stuff..
fret not worry not! i am not those kind who will hurt myself physically.. it's PAIN u noe..

it has been raining for an entire afternoon, evening, nite, now even midnite.. my heart has been hurting since it started raining.. rain gives me pain..

sigh.. it feels quite sad to haf rejections from almost virtually everyone.. no one wants to go out w me.. well they haf their reasons.. which is 100% acceptable.. haha.. but it jus feel kinda sucky to be alone.. XD.. no one has to accommodate me.. i do not wish ppl to accommodate me too..

qk, learn to be smarter.. being nice or simply too nice (crossin the line) isnt gonna get u anywhere.. ultimately.. u will feel dumb.. NO VULGARITIES.. NO SWEARING.. phew.. i managed to control qk..

wileen isnt the right gal for me.. i will have to admit it now.. memories will stay.. how i wish i could erase them..

@!$#@#$%@#%$# can u JUST stop raining!!! damn u! the one up there!