field camp is coming!

tml will be my field camp.. it doesnt help when u noe u have to be in camp for 10 days.. 1 wkend gone thanx to some live firing..

it is stuffy at home.. the weather isnt helping.. raining raining and little sunshine.. i am having a slight headache now.. i need a breather.. some fresh air..

making promises means one has to keep it.. well i kept mine.. went to weiwen's church.. there were things i expected n unexpected.. i wasnt overwhelmed by the service.. it was useful in the sense tt certain things the youth pastor said were relevant n applicable for my field camp.. however, it was hard or i would say impossible for me to accept the notion of god shapes watever u do e.g u haf to thank god when u found a gd fren.. no offence but it jus doesnt sound logical, w or w/o the presence of god, u still made tt fren.. at least i can see tt believers benefit from believing.. tts gd enuf..

i think i am in some kind of trouble.. i have to prepare and pack my stuff alr.. 1 more hour to left.. dinner isnt ready yet.. ooppps

yawn another wk

another 2 wks gone.. time flies
i din blog abt last wk since it wasnt v pleasant.. full of complaints and resentment.. anyw this wk wasnt any better..

firstly i muz admit i am smart.. i booked in 3 hours earlier this wk.. i did rmb hearing twenty hundred (2000).. and it was actually twenty THREE hundred hours.. some of the ppl told me i din hear wrongly cos the sergeant "purposely" said 2000 first den he changed it to 2300 and he said 11 pm too.. this means i did hear the right timing but i din take note of the "changes".. well.. i jus slpt in the bunk for the 3 hours.. rest = gd

this wk was quite boring except for the thurs and fri.. i had my appointment.. LSC.. appointment means responsibilities and duties or in short 'doing shit stuff for others'..

OC promised night out on thursday nite.. den instead of night out.. we got stand by bed.. isnt tt freaking wonderful? nothin much to complain too.. he is the OC..

fri had navigation.. the singapore "forest" is quite powerful.. with thigh deep swamp.. zzzz.. my pants were wet.. my boots were soaked.. my feet were in soggy socks.. woohooo... humans rest on water bed.. my feet rested on water soles..

ended the navi exercise quite early 8 plus.. DING DONG.. no bus to bring us back.. the OC bookede the bus at 11 pm.. we enjoyed time wasting again sitting down.. most of us fell aslp.. zzz
finally reached company line.. HOLY!!!!! no night snack.. poor qk.. the always hungry guy.. i spent a long time washing the "swamp" mud + water on my pants.. washed my boots inside out.. YUCKS.. suck thumb no choice..

anyw had SOC in the morning.. timing improved plus minus 9 min 25s.. i guess i've got the technique for low rope.. as usual.. i jus ran all the way back.. it feels guilty to slow down for the final rundown even though my legs feel tired.. it is jus running..

like wat my idiotic bed buddy said "qk can only run.." quite true so far..

nights out..

another nights out.. rushed home again.. well.. nobody's at home again as usual.. sometimes i wondered y i tried to rush back.. do the laundry? i guess i'll have to think tt way..

this wk hadnt been really been busy or enjoying for me.. ippt trial test.. silver again.. 2.4 timing decreased.. acute pain near the stomache region whenever i tried to sprint for the last stretch.. zzz.. health comes first..
a lot of lectures.. learnt some useful info.. some lessons were jus a waste of time.. i am extremely happy when it was announced the duty on monday (off day) was canceled!! i have my off!!!

busy schedule for meet-up sessions.. band outing? i dun even noe if i can make it on time if i return home first to change.. sunday probably will be meeting wanshun.. no one msged me anythin yet.. i am still waiting.. i still have to buck up for my fitness.. sigh.. more training required..

hopefully tml's obstacle will be overcome.. i have faith in myself.. i always have.. n good luck for my subsequent tests..

i am great!

another wk gone..

traumatising wk.. disappointment, dissatisfaction, displeasure..

upon realising 14th (sat) is a company confinement due to some test, my heart sank! there goes my appointment w yien.. it's a rare for ppl to ask me out for something, it is even rarer for yien to ask me to play tennis before meetin up w those in class collecting their award.. it took me sometime to get over tt confinement since there is a day off on monday.. the misery ended while another began.. monday is 16th, den i rmbed i had a guard duty on 16th.. basically i can say goodbye to my day off.. zzz

ippt as i've alr blogged b4, a silver thanks to 9:45 timing for 2.4 run.. 9:44 is a gold timing.. did a SOC full rundown, failed the low rope, demoralised n slacken in the running. 10:41 meant tt i failed both the target timing and a station.. anyw, they will jus rmb tt i FAILED.. gd one.. friday evening OC happily called out names of either ippt gold or SOC pass, for them to book out tt night 10 pm.. the rest which included me, stayed the night and book out nxt morning 10 am.. well every second counts.. my 1s worth 12 hours of freedom!

sigh, i guess i will jus resign to fate.. this yr hasnt been smooth sailing.. A lvls, followed by rejection for medicine shortlist, hoping for $750 pay but got sispec.. it's always tt a little bit more to get wat i want.. it is quite demoralising.. or really demoralising..

the section is gelling tog really well.. most ppl are really cooperative.. some more cooperative than the others.. there were enjoyable bitching sessions every nite.. gossiping.. we even came up w this theory the more u gossip, the shorter u become.. lol.. we are bastards..

F4411 got himself more disliked by the rest.. wk 1 having a bust-up w me, jj and kenneth.. 2nd wk got himself involved w ninja, jj (again), the platoon, a grp of chinese.. some famous quotes

"i tell u u were very rude jus now"
"u den never go bmt, u fking cb +++++" (he spoke too fast in his indian accent)
"fk u! i tell u..."
"eh u y u laughing, lj +++"
"who said tt! own up! fk u +++++"
"all chinese are fkin racist! ++++"
and many more to come.. there are 8 wks remaining..

a hot-tempered kid who is quite cocky and arrogant.. tryin to be smart.. over enthu in a "-ve" way.. some says he has double standards.. when we make a sweeping remark which might involve indians, he ignites like high explosive.. when the 2IC "joked" abt indians.. he kept quiet..

jus like the rifle holding incident.. when sergeant snapped "u think u rambo?" ninja jus added "no la, he tamil tiger" 4411 reacted violently to the tamil tiger.. he kept quiet for the rambo.. zzz

enuf bad-mouthin others.. at least he has his gd pts too.. everyone has gd pts.. my stand stays again.. if no one mess w me.. i shall be nice..

a switch of songs i'm listening to..

i haf to admit i haf no life.. really deprived..

mayb now i am more aware of my roots.. lol.. went to youtube searching for chinese rap.. came across this rap.. when it played.. it simply stunned me.. it was in wuhan dialect.. my own slang which i only used when i am back in china or rarely use when i talk to my parents.. it's on youtube?!?! lol.. there's some comments by youtubers which makes me laugh.. one commented tt it was si chuan dialect.. i jus dun understand y ppl like to comment even when they are WRONG.. lol.. at least someone pointed out it was wuhan dialect.. nt bad.. i duno mayb at tt pt i really felt something close to me.. tt slang.. tt style.. even local informal terms which only locals understand.. i found my home.. how dramatic..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djBLYQhKr3M
i am quite sure some will find it a flop rap attempt or a fk up song esp when u dun understand wat she's talkin abt.. in this way u understand how i feel abt hokkien songs.. or when others speak using dialect to converse in front of me.. u really feel foreign.. mayb tts y u need to accommodate.. minority grps always need to compromise more.. F4411 doesnt understand this concept i guess.. haha.. this world can never be "equal".. i am always having identity crisis..

i wont pledge loyalty to china.. nor i am willing to die for singapore.. my family is more impt than the country.. my love ones are more impt than the land.. generally i am still considered as a foreigner in sg.. n back in china.. i cant adapt to the local culture, esp those of my age grp.. i am not here nor there.. zzz..

talkin abt family.. i felt gd this wk.. there's a night out for arnd 4-5 hours.. i went home.. bought an ice cream for my parents (late father's n mother's day "gift").. the money was spent worthwhile.. it doesnt hurt at all as compared to spending on myself.. my parents looked really happy when they realise i bought them a cake.. surprising gift from a son who always quarrels or "yells" at them..

well.. i have to get myself mentally prepared for the nxt wk.. wk nxt wk gone, only 7 wks left to next posting.. well.. most prob ASLC.. PR gets it.. (tts wat they say)..

matching, mixing, maturing, meeting..

sometimes ppl are jus diff..

i bought chocolate chip cookies for my mom.. i guess she'll like it.. it's tasty isnt it? to my surprise, my mom dislikes it and ate her red bean "su" (which are like powdery?).. she asked me if i wanted some, it jus turns out tt i dislike tt powdery feeling.. haha.. i am too rigid w my mom.. it has to be.. i told her never to worry abt my book in n book out timing.. i noe when i haf to leave the house.. she doesnt need to plan for me.. but she always like to tell me when i should leave.. if she can decisively tell me when to leave, i am perfectly fine w it.. she always turns it into a discussion n ask me for opinion n bla bla bla.. zzzz.. habits doesnt change.. a leopard never changes its spots.. my mom will remain tt way.. (i shud jus be more tolerating..)

diff races haf their own racial personality.. habits.. their own perspective of seeing things.. n own interpretation of tones of others.. the way they joke arnd.. sadly, i haf to admit i think i cant get along well w indians.. no offence n no racial disharmony here.. indian culture may be quite conflictin w the chinese mindset.. i am unsure of tt too.. mayb jus an observation.. i guess tts why racial harmony is impt to stamp out on these differences between races and avoid conflicts when everyone can understand the cultures and behavior types of other races.. (sounds so NE)

when u go thru NS... mayb u really mature alot.. w freedom taken away for most of the wk.. being compelled to do things which u may not wanna do.. requiring high lvl of discipline and stuff lidat.. spending less time w ur family n frens.. when u see them again.. u sort of treasure them.. although the intensity of "treasure" varies for each.. but it's there..

i had this thought.. to walk arnd in town.. waitin for a chance to meet her by coincidence.. it's impossible to ask her out.. jus hoping for an alternative for meeting.. meet up by coincidence provides more "surprise" elements rather than awkwardness.. today walkin in town w lousy, i met ronald n jiekai at 2 diff places.. last time i met teh han.. such coincidence do occur frequently.. so i guess i might be lucky once or twice to see her? naive thought.. but isnt tt kinda swt? if lun pin's classmate can be my bed buddy in sispec.. why cant i bump into her in town or any common place she might go? haha.. wish myself luck! haha.. a line from dan brown's DIGITAL FORTRESS - everything is possible, the impossible just takes longer

i will achieve my goals - by waiting..