sispec..

1 wk of sispec gone.. posted to a company w gal trainees.. kinda welfare.. not bad..
1st leopard, now foxtrot..

welfare means better care for soldiers but definitely not when it comes to training.. training is still physically demanding.. it has to be this way.. or else how to train up and build up ur body? platoon 4 again.. 5 storeys to climb again..

welfare = book out fri nite at 2120 and book in sun nite 2300.. some other company book out later n book in 2200.. lol.. dun be jealous.. dun be envious.. jus be sad.. cos u haf no gals.. lol

the IPPT cat test is over.. 9:45 lol.. silver = more training = book out sat morning 10 am.. sispec quite practical.. gold can book out fri nite if there isnt anything impt on sat.. i jus missed it by tt 2s.. lol.. yeah time to kb.. blame it on a new route and not drinking sufficient water before the run.. haha.. gd luck qk.. no book out on fri nite!

since there are gals in the coy.. it is quite gd.. i haf this liking to listen to the female voice.. it jus sounds nice.. it sounds esp nice if u are in an area dominated by males (the army).. the appearance of the gal isnt impt in army.. the voice is much more powerful.. it's jus a diff feeling all together..

1st encounter w female.. 1st day.. this trainee came up to platoon 4 section 4 bunk.. demanded for some paper we were filling in.. i was quite stunned.. female?!?! (no offence.. so aggressive n not v feminine)

2nd encounter w female.. yst.. after the last SOC obstacle.. i ran to the water pt to drink water.. the gals are filling the cups.. i drank abit den the gal told me nicely.. u cant drink now.. supposed to run all the way to the starting line den can drink.. haha.. i like ppl to talk to me nicely..

so far so gd.. except for a little bits here n there..

oh.. btw.. i am weak! :D

see see.. there goes my $ when u dun plan ahead..

i am posted to become a spec.. yeah.. a spec.. it doesnt really matter.. cos.. well.. i'm jus a bit poorer every mth.. on the 10th.. gd gd.. sneeze sneeze.. yeah.. yeah.. i really want more $..

u see.. never plan la.. goin bmt w the "anything's gd" mentality.. no preference = do everything within my limits.. dun do more.. dun do less.. expected outcome: sispec.. let's turn back time.. n if qk decides on the v first day $750 is gonna b the minimum pay he gets after bmt.. den u will see a diff qk in camp?!?! omg!! more enthu in everythin he does.. volunteerism? if u duno wat is it, he'll show u.. haha.. nvm.. wats posted is posted.. sispec..

zzz.. joining weeloon in tt camp? the idea turns me off.. lol..
lets go to some more "slack" company.. hehe.. i am not ready for toughness yet.. muahaha..

i guess i'll get confinement.. lots of them.. confinements + low pay.. wth.. i dislike this every min..

advice to ppl.. plan ahead.. dun mess up ur future.. or ur $$$

there goes my movie?!?!

there was a moment of excitement when penguin told me she's free to be asked out for movies!!! woohooo.. i finally found myself some programmes!!!

projected movie outing plan
1. a grp of ppl (class girls) + me
2. watch oceans 13
3. tuesday

frankly speaking, i was overjoyed.. the feeling was like consuming de-ageing potion.. transforming back to some 6 yr old kid.. "yeah! i got my event of the wk!"

outing was postponed from tues to thurs.. due to some girls unable to make it.. well.. it's definitely great to haf more ppl joining in.. everything was goin fine (2-3 girls goin) until tonite.. one shock after another.. first 1 dropped out due to personal reasons.. den suddenly, it left w 3 ppl (including me).. den another dropped out.. 2 ppl..

conclusion: postponed! zzz.. i cant hide my disappointment.. esp after my dear mom asked "are u goin out tml?" wat can i say?!?! sadly, it's a NO.. sigh..

so basically so far this wk.. the most entertaining thing i've done was soccer this morning.. conceding some goals which will cause any audience "WOW!" and scoring a handful of goals.. my fitness is coming back (while i am still recovering from flu)..

as for now.. i oso cant describe how i feel now.. i am numbed.. without feelings.. experiencing the dilemma of to be "angry" or jus "forgiving".. i am quite glad i din snap at my mom's comments/reminders jus now..

my time to return to tt regimental lifestyle is really soon.. u can count w 1 hand.. omg!!! it's really hard to plan my "holiday" schedule w me falling ill.. unable to find ppl to go out w (guys in army.. girls.. sigh.. forget it.. it has always been rejections)..

mayb u can only depend on guys? success rates of askin guys out is so much higher.. most guys will do "seemingly stupid" things for guys.. well as for girls i've noticed.. they will do
"seemingly stupid" things for girls.. but a larger % of guys will do "seemingly stupid" things for girls as compared to the other way round.. girls are always the lucky ones.. i am turning sexist?! lol

congratulations.. i jus snapped at my mom.. she jus comments tooooooo much..

sigh..

到底什么时候才会想起我

有一个问号一直在困扰 却又不知该如何是好

虽然明知道 你和他很好 真的不该再打扰

就当我无聊 已无可救药

只是真的我很想知道

每次一想到 你把我忘掉 眼泪忍不住在狂飙

到底什么时候你才会想起我

在夜阑人静孤单来袭因为寂寞

也许狂欢过后突然平淡而失落

还是我想的太多

到底什么时候你才会想起我

在值得纪念时刻因为感触太多

当你匆匆经过我们走过的角落

你会偷偷想我 还是一笑而过

张卫健's song.. the singing is always not tt gd.. cant blame him.. his mandarin isnt tt gd.. lol.. it is jus the lyrics.. it is jus the lyrics.. it was by accident i got to noe this song.. my parents bought 阿有正传 and this song so happen to the opening theme.. the lyrics sent a sour feeling thru me.. most of the lines describe how i feel sometimes.. haha.. it is really fate for me to hear the song.. if i wasnt ill.. i wont be bothered to stay at home n kill some of my time by searchin for shows to watch.. haha..

sick again.. tts really horrible..

block leave - a period of enjoyment. for me, it is the beginning of suffering. i am sick again.. zzzz

sat was wonderful. attended kathy's wedding. interesting church wedding with lots of repetition of this line "man shall leave his father n mother, shall joint unto the wife.. and the 2 shall become 1 in flesh". since it is church wedding, i accept it tt praising the lord is necessary for the christians even when it comes to wedding.

as for my perspective of a wedding. the ceremony, sayin "i do", exchangin of the rings and the kiss are enuf. i jus felt tt the speech was abit over.. i jus feel tt the groom and the bride are the certain stage.. n not god (no offence)..

spent sunday slpin at home n watchin tv.. took my temperature.. 38 degrees C.. wow.. i got fever again.. din manage to see the doc.. hope the temperature drops tml.. i need to be healthy.. my "holiday" muznt be spent at home recuperating!

back to sat.. met up w so many classmates.. the girls become prettier the guys become more handsome.. (yeah i am a great liar).. haha.. anyw.. quite alot of ppl are ill.. flu.. cough.. etc.. get well soon (to myself).. it feels so nice to meet ur old frens again.. it has been quite awhile since i last saw mr liaw.. lol.. hopefully we can meet for the last time before i serve NSF again..

had been listening for shakira's underneath your clothes for the past hour.. reminded me of sec sch.. sec 2 holidays playin games and listening to songs.. at tt time, life revolved round games.. slacking.. being alone wont make u think of any girl.. free from those (self-imposed) troubles..

hope.. always comes and goes.. a movie trip request made.. reply was "we'll see".. mayb i am jus being too naive.. we'll see jus means no.. a less hurtful way of rejection.. a confirmation of the movie trip made.. reply was "busy recently, dun feel comfortable goin out 1 on 1" well.. i really haboured too much hopes.. i really need to slap myself to wake myself up..

it really feels great to noe tt someone cares for u.. defending u always.. standing up for u.. weeloon u are so blessed.. lol.. i got scolded becos i said "nasty" stuff abt u.. haha..

there is this dilemma.. next sat.. either i go out w weeloon or join platoon 4 at sentosa.. it's been wks since weeloon was tryin to ask me out.. if i din go for the platoon outing.. some may jus say i am anti-social.. i hate sweeping statements made.. esp against me.. let's see if it is possible to attend both.. lol.. anyw.. it jus mean more $ spent.. sigh..

ocs.. pls.. ocs.. some go for the pride.. some go for the rank.. some, like me.. go for the $..

别问

一个人要走多远

历经多少沧桑才会累

什么地方才是家 为了谁才留下

一个人要想多久

历经多少挫折才会懂

不再轻易掉眼泪 不再轻易说

今生无悔,无怨 用一生做试验

为谁放弃一切 我不再是我 谁又是谁

别问我的伤 别问我的痛 别问我的心中是否在流血

别问我是否心已碎 别问酒逢故人醉不醉

别问我的苦 别问我的悲 别问我的流浪是否很疲惫

别问我是否还有泪 别问魂萦旧梦对不对 也别问我会不会

postponed POP.. or is it POP never done..

back to tekong for guard duty yst.. or u can say it was goin for a budget chalet.. i had equipped myself w sufficient food to last the nite.. only to find out tt it was MORE than sufficient.. bringing DS to kill time was a wise choice.. however, when i intended to use it wasnt according to plan.. DS during prowling wasnt planned.. fortunately it served its purpose to cut short my prowl to 1 round in 1 hour.. lol.. the others did a max of 4 rounds in 1 hour.. how slack have i become?!

the rest of the time was spent in the newly allocated slping area installed w aircon. UNO cards promoted bonding amongst the platoon mates who were assigned guard duty and the 2 sergeants in charge of us.. played games and it was the first time 3SG asked PTE for permission to CARRY ON.. gd job SG Alisufyan n our dear CQ.. lol.. CQ's presence was the best.. his PSP provided me w entertainment throughout the nite..

XBOX in the COY OFFICE = playing games again.. food was everywhere.. nightsnack.. PES E refreshments meant for the parents.. OOPS.. booked out in the morning.. had breakfast at changi village.. the highlight of today is our CK jaywalked n was almost knocked down by a motorbike.. thankfully, only his hand was scratched.. i hope he wud rmb for life.. never JAYWALK (in SMART4) and always look right when crossing the road in SG..
anyw, the end of GUARD DUTY marks the official POP.. bye bye tekong for now!!!

qk doesnt feel like goin for soccer tml.. it's jus too far away.. katong.. the word itself will bring back memories.. i guess i will jus skipped it?.. now life at home is kinda boring.. i duno wat to do.. to think abt BMT.. i din do the graduation 24km march.. there isnt any remarch.. so.. well it is jus disappointment..

kathy's getting married!!! lol.. sat.. wat shud i wear? do i even haf a set of decent clothing? lol.. poor me.. poor me..

POP liao!!!

Passing Out Parade marks the end of BMT.. the last wk in camp was some exp i din expect i would go thru.. before BMT, i made it clear i would participate in any activity regardless of its difficulty.. however, after falling seriously ill for the 1st time, my wk was packed w duties for status recruits. Carryin jerry cans, setting up water points, loading of stores up n down the tonner, be an usher for 24km..

i missed quite alot of activities. SOC test, 24km, the rehearsals for Graduation Parade. After missing 2 consecutive parades, i was told tt i could only join in the re-entry doin the infantry roar. i had to fall out for the march pass and the inspection due to lack of practice. It was quite demoralising to hear tt.. took me for quite a few days to get over it.. resulting in a build of a bad temper, flaring up easily at slight provocation.. i had more confrontations w ppl for the last wk than the other 8 wks in BMT.. vulgarities flew..

finally "they" told me i could join in the parade (final rehearsal).. this time, i couldnt be bothered.. say tt i am slack.. i jus wasnt in the mood to join in.. i was quite sure my body isnt in its best condition. To make matter worse, my willpower wasnt there to support my physical status. I simply did some normal status duties and slpt in the bunk for 2 hours..

i dun think being a status recruit is chao keng as many others see it. a status recruit who refuses and find excuses to execute tasks like sweeping floor, cleaning and washing things is chao keng. Imagine 24km, there arent any status ppl to help u set up water points.. the support characters are impt if not more impt than the main grp which performs the duties..

now.. i am really in a dazy state.. wondering wat i can do next.. i hope to talk to someone.. but i noe it is impossible.. w simple calculations or analysis of the situation.. the chance of meeting is almost 0%. the answer is NO but with the slightest bit of room for negotiation.. i will jus haf to live w it.. gd luck..

anyw, POP liao.. no one will ask me out.. n i think i cant bring myself to take the iniative to ask ppl out too.. i jus ask too much.. n get too much rejections.. i shall rest.. guard duty awaits me..

i've finally fallen

i had fever today.. 38 degrees C w headache, aching n feelin weak all over. i finally went to see the MO and got myself a status.. some may find it great (attend C), cos u can get away from the mundane tekong life n spend ur day at home. i guess i would rather stay in camp n be illness free.. the discomfort from the fever, headache, diarrhea and feelin weak all over is of a higher intensity than the discomfort of tekong life.. furthermore, the cost of the trip home (taxi) is shocking.

interesting things happened today. a bat flew into the bunk in the morning.. hit the fan and landed on bed5. then it managed to regain consciousness and flew again.. this time it hit another fan and landed on bed9. unfortunately, it died this time (i guess.. i was too sick to be concerned abt the bat).. the bat has fallen too..

the MO was quite pissed off w me.. cos i disturbed his slp.. he asked me w a frown "cant u wait another 2 hours?" i can understand tt he needs rest, however, if u wanna be a doctor. u shud be mentally prepared for such scenario when u r deprived of ur slp time. i was feeling so uncomfortable, hoping to seek treatment as early as possible.. n yet he can say such insensitive words like cant u wait? so much for professionalism.. i doubt he will make a gd doctor in future..

it is official tt i got myself gold for ippt.. 9:36 for 2.4km.. i am happy for myself.. i guess some others dun share my joy given from the remarks i received from one.. i believe in first impressions.. when he said tt to me.. my first impression is he was really pissed off w me getting gold.. mayb he doesnt see i possess the qualities of getting gold.. or the world is unfair to him.. depriving him of a chance of gold.. i wonder y he is so agitated w me getting a gold.. it is jus a recognition of ur physical status.. in another words.. my overall fitness is better than him :D

attend C for today.. attend B for another 2 days.. when it comes to 24k march.. my status will be day 2.. will they allow me to join in?

my attitude..

bookout is gettin increasingly unattractive to me, the only incentive is the outings available (given tt i can arrange any). yst's bookout followed by soccer w my classmates den a class dinner at fish n co. if u exaggerate it abit, it was an extraordinary exp for it was such a long time i din meet them. everyone seems well and guess wat.. yien sat bside me!!! (exaggeration to it's max again) haha.. the evening was only soiled by the constantly coughin to clear my throat.

now i feel ok abt goin OCS.. i dont wish to aim for it.. i hate it when i aim for somethin n in the end failed to get it.. ippt was done last morning, i performed pretty well.. as promised to warren cheng, i got my gold (if the 2.4k timing din screw up, my watch shows 9:38). it feels great cos i managed to fulfil my promise. breaking a promise is a sin.

i am proud to say i am from 79. 17 guys.. 1 overseas. 6 in OCS.. 1 SISPEC to OCS.. 1 SISPEC to MO(captain?!).. 1 MEDIC.. 1 ADMIN.. 1 SIGNAL.. 5 in BMT.. we are PHYSICALLY FIT!!! weiheng.. haha.. admin!!! lol.. no one in section 2 can win him in chin-up.. lol.. everyone is different.. chengyen running under 10.. doin a lot of chin-ups, 17? basically.. we are jus damn fit.. lol.. class spirit is always stronger than section spirit.. we spent more time tog. lol.

OCS.. if i managed to get in.. (heck the tough training.. if i say i can do it.. i can do it..) my PW grp will be 4/4 OCS.. lol.. tt's pride again after the being the "lousiest" grp.. 4 ppl getting 3s and a single 2.. sigh..

life in tekong is getting more mundane.. some ppl are pissing me off too.. i cant say tt they are selfish (all the time) but at certain times.. i jus cant take it. it is quite true tt most ppl only talk n dont do at all.. say bringing in food.. in the end.. sigh.. i smuggled in food even though i forecasted tt might be some checks.. as a promise to bring, i bring.. the rest (esp those who declared loudly tt they would bring in) simply eats.. i am fine w ppl eating my stuff but not breaking a promise becos of the risks involved to bring in food.. mayb i expect too much from others again..

some other selfish acts: opening my cupboard to take somethin w/o my permission and NOT LOCKING IT due to "forgetfulness". to me, it is jus taking something which is not urs for granted n fk care abt the rest since ur objective is met. the thing u want is w u.. the rest is none of ur business.. i despise this kinda acts. happily getting wat u want and getting me into potential trouble.. if there was a rifle inside? i am 100% sure tt u wont lock it too.. cos it isnt in ur genes to think of others..

i dislike a lot of things in the bunk too.. i am showing my attitude more n more.. i think it should be time to take the uno back home.. some players are damn childish.. displayin how hot their temper are when the game isnt in their way.. some slammed the cards.. for ur info.. those arent my cards.. i need to return to ppl in gd condition.. even if they are my cards.. who the fk gave u the permission to attitude in front of me?!

in games i hate ppl to kb me.. esp when u commit tt "offence" more than me.. when u are slow and laggy dont yell at ppl when they are slow occasionally.. ppl need to think abit.. for ur case.. u are jus stoning n oblivious of wats occurring arnd u since u arent payin attention to the game.. i hate ppl to piss me off.. it was the first time in NS i glared at others.. i dont want to do tt anymore.. i do haf a limit to my tolerance.. i am ready for any disagreement w my point of view cos wat i see others may be the same way ppl see me..

life in camp isnt tt pleasant to me (recently) but as for the at home.. my mom is getting on my nerves too.. i guess it is jus too normal.. asking too much irrelevant insiginifcant qns.. there are a lot of things she doesnt need to noe.. for noeing them doesnt help her in anything.. tts jus my opinion n way of seeing things.. it has been a norm to hear ppl say i am bad to my mom.. i guess it is jus the way u are brought up and how each n every individual thinks and shapes his idea of how ppl should react arnd him.. somethings cant be changed but can be reduced, avoided.. i will gladly avoid ppl who pisses me off.. less interaction w them..

i inherited my mom's temper.. so it is virtually impossible for us to quarrel.. she gets agitated easily when talkin to my dad.. i get agitated easily talkin to her.. the cycle goes round and round.. so i see no pt my mom complainin to me abt my attitude when hers isnt tt gd as a role model too.. if u cant do it (almost everytime) why u expect me to behave in another way? unfilial - watever u call it.. my notion of being filial is different.. i will repay any kindness anyone shows me.. my tone down my volume when i speak.. mayb bcos of my dyin throat.. speakin of which.. some bastards in the company or the platoon dont sing or echo.. they simply heck care..

i guess i wont be smuggling food in anymore.. seriously it isnt worth it at all.. if it is one for all n all for one.. i dont mind i being the only one getting caught.. this reminds me of another issue i wanna kb..

i smuggle in food.. ppl noes.. when heard tt there will be a check goin on.. ppl come to me giving me tt "u are in deep shit" look.. tt's not helping.. after i clear my checks.. some of those ppl come n request for food.. i can only say ur EQ is damn low.. this sounds really mean (but it feels gd to say it): this kind of low life-form doesnt deserve to exist in this world.. ur existence is one of the main reasons y the world is in a mess now.. i feel ashame of ppl like ur kind breathin the same air as me..

back to my old ways! i feels so gd to kb.. kb me back for all those out tt.. cos i simply dun give a damn.. ur existence is insignificant to me..

qk the great.. ego u call it.. i haf loads of pride being myself..

there are quite a large no. of nice ppl in camp.. some really make me feel much better.. however, it only takes a few to spoil the show (quotes from sergeant).. i hate to be being bossed arnd by ppl whom i see dont fit.. if u think u are gd.. show me tt u are better than me at everythin.. den i will keep my mouth shut.. if u boss ppl arnd tellin others to do this do tt.. but u dont do.. i can only show u the finger.. n forget abt getting respect from me.. cos to me.. u simply suck..