i desire..

i desire the feelin of bein loved

back as a ...

returning home for the first time after 18 days, i felt quite glad to be back. however, the intensity of feeling happy wasnt as high as those days in the past (e.g. OBS, sch annual camp). 18 days away, i am supposed to spend more time at home to replace the time lost which i wasnt in the house. unfortunately, the v nxt day, i went out in the afteroon, stayed over at lsd's house, returning home like 24++ hours later. the sense of attachment to the house is decreasin? or am i jus tryin to evade the discussion abt my "future".

the 18 days away changed me a little. - i am unsure how true this statement is. it is kinda losing contact w the outside world. returning home w 5 days of rest, not knowing wat i shud do next. life isnt as organised as the 18 days. no more rules to follow, no more deadlines to meet. procastination at my own pace = unhealthy.

before the 18 days, island life was described as tough, rigorous training, "unreasonable" instructors. i kinda dislike the idea of landing on the island on a monday. however, i really appreciated the arrangement. welfare is the word. i dun mind spending a few more days on the island. life isnt tt tough as i had expected. simply sensational.

it was a enjoyable experience. hanging arnd w ppl of a diff race. new perspectives of ppl, new ideas. different personalities and behaviours - enriching experience. schooling days will be much more exciting if my schs have a proportionate racial mix. anyw, it doesnt matter anymore. talkin abt schooling - kinda disappointing.

no medicine. to think abt it, i din want medicine only after receiving the A lvl results. it took me quite a few weeks to decide wat courses to choose. convincing myself i am a healer or anythin related to tt. XD mayb it is the amt of time spent in deciding to apply for med which makes me feel kinda demoralised. grades din make the mark. thanx to Project Work (3).

no doubt i am disappointed not gettin shortlisted. however, some others deserve more "sympathy". peiyi, aspired to be a doc since i duno when, din get it too cos of the 3 for Project Work. mayb sympathy isnt the right word to use here. jus tt if i feel really disappointed, imagine how worse she felt.

18 days on the island in a room w 12 other ppl, it really broaden my horizons abit. it was quite fascinating to know ppl who apply for telecommunications or media kinda courses. it was a 1st time exp to know someone who is keen on a course most of the ppl i know wouldnt take. from this, it only tells one thing, my network of frens is too small. the network only consists of ppl generally of the same interests and stuff. i need to know more, really alot more.

spending time alone is always the best to reflect n review. i should be nicer to my mom, she wants to talk to me abt the uni and education stuff. frankly speaking, it is a complete turn off. i dun want to discuss abt those stuff now. my aunt is coming over later - this means more discussions.

for now, i cant be "carefree" n relaxing. mayb it is due to the 18 days. always on high alert, ready for any instructions. be blur and u "die".. kindness days are over. =S

now, i am having the "qk's block" again. nothin to write XD
well.. i'll stop for now.

care for qk!

i am jus screwed..

but.. wats there to worry??

i am qk..

everythin will turn out jus fine..

somebody STOP me!

today felt good..

i shud be slpin.. but i jus dun wan to.. my body clock is screwed.. n i noe i cant turn it back.. so.. yeah.. forget it.. learn it the hard way inside..

had a pretty gd day.. (or yesterday..)

a nice dinner and walk after dinner.. playin mahjong w alfred lsd n his bro.. did i even win once?
tts damn sad.. big2 was much better.. trashed everyone in the 1st round w three 2s (the biggest 3).. two As.. a set of 5 hearts.. n 3 random cards.. LOL.. winning w throwing singles and dumpin the last set of 5 to end the game.. WOW

den this lsd.. changed the dealing style.. randomly giving me RANDOM cards.. thanx.. my chances of winning = 0.. then he finally decided to be nice to deal properly again.. guess wat.. I won again..

there is the scrabble.. i felt damn sian.. i cant form words.. or form damn dumb words.. i was despised!!! even before NS, i became dumb.. gd one!

the best thing.. dart throwing.. i admit i sucked at it.. always hitting the wall.. sry.. or the cardboard below.. i am the only sei guy to hit the board.. n the dart dropped.. DAMN.. i am a loser.. XD.. however, i think i got one of the highest scores in 3 throws.. i hit the bullseye!! woohoo..

sometimes.. lies are necessary.. haha.. jus to make everyone feel gd =D
but.. never lie to urself..

bad day

quote from the last dance.. it has been months..

"小朋友,你以为死是最坏的吗? 我告诉你..死未必是最差的事.人生最差的事是....脆弱"

someone is right..

hey yahting! if u are reading this.. u are quite right tt the doc prescribed somethin to reduce the side effects of mefenamic acid (non=steriodal anti-inflammatory drug).. paratab (Paracetamol) is tt somethin.. this can only show tt it isnt working v well.. or my intestines or stomach sux..

i am unhealthy!

this is the best present i can get before getting enilsted..
i should be in so-called good condition when i started BMT.. now i feel tt my body is v weak.. i do haf gd luck.. i am super super super lucky!!!

damn i dun trust the doc..

i was prescribed mefenamic acid..

i was kinda bored so i checked up on it.. HOLY crap.. it relieves pain, tts right.. n it has side effects.. a lot of side effects.. n i am quite sure i am suffering from one of them..

forget abt the nausea, loss of appetite, dizziness, drowsiness and headaches (tts quite lame.. cos i was given tt medicine to relief the pain of my headache.. lol) which are included under the list of side effects.. i am not experiencing them yet..

i am suffering from stomach upset.. i haf been diarrhea-ing frequently.. now i feel better.. i dun feel like takin the medication anymore.. but it is only right to complete the course of medication.. which means giving myself more toilet visits.. this sux..

one website said after taking mefenamic acid.. DO NOT lie down after 30 minutes.. the doc din say anythin lidat!! haha.. i took it n went to bed immediately.. omg!!! i am goin to die!!!

it will cause serious side effects too.. like increase risk of heart attacks.. stroke.. i am scared.. someone, pls try to save me..

sob sob T_T

i am sick.. it sux

headache for the entire night.. slpt at 12 plus.. basically when ur head is in pain.. u simply cant slp.. it keeps u awake all nite long.. i did fall aslp for awhile but the pain would wake u up a moment later..

it lasted for hours n when i knew it.. it was alr morning.. it was the 1st time i whined so much in bed.. it is painful.. n my dad's ill too.. din go to work.. slpin for the entire day.. now he is still slping..

i went to a clinic w my mom.. i was so weak tt i need to hold my mom while i walked.. i felt so weak n useless.. i got some headache relieving pills.. vitamin c n fever pills.. i think the headache relieving pills rox.. remove the pain after awhile.. i slpt so peacefully (excluding the sweating).. i changed my shirt at least 5 times.. i sweated too much..

i am a sweating machine!

engine is short..

i completed engine today.. short drama series.. but the children in the home are so adorable.. some of the girls.. one word - NICE! appealing to sight.. XD

am i fallin ill? i dun feel solid now.. like loosening and fallin apart.. haha..
i think i jus need slp.. haha..

who will miss me n sms me everyday when i am on tt island?
i wonder? (besides my mom)

gdnite everyone.. pls dream of me

gd start..

i am beginnin my evolution.. changing for wat i think is the better..

qk has to..

-dun get over-excited when trying to convince others..
-accept criticism.. even though u noe some of them are jus there to make u feel bad..
-talk nicely to ppl.. less confrontations.. or less conversations w the intention to confront..
-be nice to mom.. (dad is included too)
-shake head less.. nod head more.. basically this means be more positive!
-be generous.. it's jus $.. u can always earn them back..
-maintain healthy rship w everyone..
-review the songs/mtv before u intro to anyone.. some may not be able to accept the contents..
-be more sensitive.. learn how to spot the seductive looks..
-dun go and change ppl's maple keys..
-reduce teasing ppl, making fun of the names of others.. pinpoint the negative aspects of others..

i am still living in my happiness.. =D