once again, i've passed out.. bmt din manage to do the 24 km route march.. bslc only did 16km route march thanx to TSR.. it was surprisingly exhaustive for the 16km, my left shoulder blade aches and my rib cage hurts somehow.. w a headache before the march, it doesnt really help.. anyw i completed the 16km.. those who marched 28km deserve my respect..
posting came out.. aslc.. sigh.. 8/11 in the section got it.. morale isnt v high.. a switch from lacking in discipline to a highly regimental company.. sian.. need to train up pushups.. discipline = pumping.. sigh..
basically it is plain demoralising to serve..
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
unpredictable life
a wk of few ups and lots of downs, tts wat i call unbearably painful..
field camp is taxing, physically n mentally.. there are ppl whom i cant really understand.. wat exactly are their attitude towards me.. i've told myself wat ppl think isnt really impt but it is impossible to let those things affect me..
i wonder if i am becoming more irrational (due to lethargy) finding those comments offending or it is really offensive.. i choose to believe i am jus too tired to distinguish n assume it means no harm.. or i dun wanna explode suddenly to offend someone.. but i jus got this feelin tt those comments arent friendly..
reasons one gave is bias, the tough part is whether to assume it is "jus joking".. but tt facial expression obviously tells me "no".. i duno if i can still take anymore of kbing from d person who becomes unhappy when i kb back.. if it is for mutual kb fun, i wont mind those crap but it always tend to go one way.. i shall jus tolerate for the nxt few wks.. hopefully i wont lose it during GRAND SLAM.. but if circumstances force me to.. i jus hope the damage is minimal.. anyw, he's my other bed buddy..
if i am finding myself in trouble w so many diff ppl suddenly, then it may b my own problem - unable to interact w ppl well.. do i need to change again? i cant understand y ppl tend to get so piss off when 1 gets picked by PC for OCS.. i think he "deserves" it even though there are ppl suggesting he is jus wayang.. he has tt leader style.. one can be selfish.. actually all ppl are selfish.. they only help those whom they think deserve help.. he is physically fit, when role playing, he does it well.. so i really dun see any reason y they dislike him getting selected.. well, i think i shud go back to my PRACTICAL ways again.. y shud i fk care? supporting or disliking him doesnt benefit at all.. i live for no one.. qk is for himself..
self-reflection: i jus think my tone isnt gd when i talk to ppl.. it sounds hostile i guess.. i shall live by my new motto: practical - get things done n fk off
peer appraisal is stupid.. humans arent supposed to be ranked.. n the ranking system isnt going to show an accurate representation of the reality.. forget it.. i am getting affected by it again..
my aunt + my cousin who came back from england for holiday + my parents gave me another round of talking, urging me to get started on applying for overseas MED.. i shant use "overseas uni" cos my aunt insists on MED only..
it is jus being practical again.. MED ensures u haf a job in future.. i am "pressurized" to write personal statement etc etc.. isnt tt extra workload? i really have no mood even to think abt it.. but they "forced" me somehow to say yes.. a no means more persuasion, i cant lose my temper - it isnt worth disrupting the harmony in the family becos of tt.. anyw, i want to be mild when i am civilian.. always be "nice"..
imissu2 - begins w missing a person, hoping tt someone is missing me too.. now, it's got a different meaning, i miss my freedom to do watever i want.. no need to "wayang" to make ppl happy.. i am a person w multiple personality.. a personality for a situation.. tiring, isnt it? am i a hypocrite? i aint sure too.. but i live by my vaules - do not hurt others in any way..
knowing n making friends w the kilo 2ic is really special.. ppl "teasing" me i have a godfather in camp.. sayin tt i got myself a backer.. childish ppl..
ok.. i am too zzzzzzzz to write anything intelligent.. but as usual i will end this entry w my self-praising!
qk rox, he's the best
wat an incoherent entry!!
field camp is taxing, physically n mentally.. there are ppl whom i cant really understand.. wat exactly are their attitude towards me.. i've told myself wat ppl think isnt really impt but it is impossible to let those things affect me..
i wonder if i am becoming more irrational (due to lethargy) finding those comments offending or it is really offensive.. i choose to believe i am jus too tired to distinguish n assume it means no harm.. or i dun wanna explode suddenly to offend someone.. but i jus got this feelin tt those comments arent friendly..
reasons one gave is bias, the tough part is whether to assume it is "jus joking".. but tt facial expression obviously tells me "no".. i duno if i can still take anymore of kbing from d person who becomes unhappy when i kb back.. if it is for mutual kb fun, i wont mind those crap but it always tend to go one way.. i shall jus tolerate for the nxt few wks.. hopefully i wont lose it during GRAND SLAM.. but if circumstances force me to.. i jus hope the damage is minimal.. anyw, he's my other bed buddy..
if i am finding myself in trouble w so many diff ppl suddenly, then it may b my own problem - unable to interact w ppl well.. do i need to change again? i cant understand y ppl tend to get so piss off when 1 gets picked by PC for OCS.. i think he "deserves" it even though there are ppl suggesting he is jus wayang.. he has tt leader style.. one can be selfish.. actually all ppl are selfish.. they only help those whom they think deserve help.. he is physically fit, when role playing, he does it well.. so i really dun see any reason y they dislike him getting selected.. well, i think i shud go back to my PRACTICAL ways again.. y shud i fk care? supporting or disliking him doesnt benefit at all.. i live for no one.. qk is for himself..
self-reflection: i jus think my tone isnt gd when i talk to ppl.. it sounds hostile i guess.. i shall live by my new motto: practical - get things done n fk off
peer appraisal is stupid.. humans arent supposed to be ranked.. n the ranking system isnt going to show an accurate representation of the reality.. forget it.. i am getting affected by it again..
my aunt + my cousin who came back from england for holiday + my parents gave me another round of talking, urging me to get started on applying for overseas MED.. i shant use "overseas uni" cos my aunt insists on MED only..
it is jus being practical again.. MED ensures u haf a job in future.. i am "pressurized" to write personal statement etc etc.. isnt tt extra workload? i really have no mood even to think abt it.. but they "forced" me somehow to say yes.. a no means more persuasion, i cant lose my temper - it isnt worth disrupting the harmony in the family becos of tt.. anyw, i want to be mild when i am civilian.. always be "nice"..
imissu2 - begins w missing a person, hoping tt someone is missing me too.. now, it's got a different meaning, i miss my freedom to do watever i want.. no need to "wayang" to make ppl happy.. i am a person w multiple personality.. a personality for a situation.. tiring, isnt it? am i a hypocrite? i aint sure too.. but i live by my vaules - do not hurt others in any way..
knowing n making friends w the kilo 2ic is really special.. ppl "teasing" me i have a godfather in camp.. sayin tt i got myself a backer.. childish ppl..
ok.. i am too zzzzzzzz to write anything intelligent.. but as usual i will end this entry w my self-praising!
qk rox, he's the best
wat an incoherent entry!!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
another entry!
tt entry before this is more of KB.. now the gd stuff!!
national DAY!!
went sch for soccer.. played against senior class.. freaking fun.. i finally played tog w weida chengyen marcus n anthony.. the team we always played tog as during j1.. at first the 'feel' wasnt there at all.. we were 3 nil down damn fast.. i missed a free 1 on 1 opportunity.. actually we kept missing.. suddenly our form was back.. it felt great.. i was on scoring spree.. 4 or 5 goals.. ant scored 1.. i even scored a glancing back header.. it demonstrated the understanding my team got.. lol.. from the oppo keeper's view i was on the right side of the court beside a defender.. indicating for weida to cross to the left.. he lobbed the ball up.. i ran left.. meet it nicely w a back glancing header.. keeper was caught offguard n off balanced.. goal.. woohooo..
scoring is exciting.. but the joy came from the memories of jc1 when we played tog everyday.. sigh the good old days.. now everyone in diff unit in NS.. ant in air force weida OCS signal.. chengyen MAN signal.. marcus studyin MED at NUS.. gonna be CPT (DR).. lol.. i am still a trainee in SISPEC.. lol..
met the girls.. caught up w their lives.. everyone's gd.. nice! din manage to watch fireworks w peiyi n yuguang.. the crowd was jus too imba.. i couldnt stand it n went home.. haha
i realise my last entry.. i forgot to press POST.. lol.. so i guess they dun wan me to KB so much.. haha.. well i wont rewrite tt entry.. anyw it is more or less consisting of complains.. haha.. NOW I FOUND THE SAVED DRAFT.. tt last ENTRY WAS POSTED..
national DAY!!
went sch for soccer.. played against senior class.. freaking fun.. i finally played tog w weida chengyen marcus n anthony.. the team we always played tog as during j1.. at first the 'feel' wasnt there at all.. we were 3 nil down damn fast.. i missed a free 1 on 1 opportunity.. actually we kept missing.. suddenly our form was back.. it felt great.. i was on scoring spree.. 4 or 5 goals.. ant scored 1.. i even scored a glancing back header.. it demonstrated the understanding my team got.. lol.. from the oppo keeper's view i was on the right side of the court beside a defender.. indicating for weida to cross to the left.. he lobbed the ball up.. i ran left.. meet it nicely w a back glancing header.. keeper was caught offguard n off balanced.. goal.. woohooo..
scoring is exciting.. but the joy came from the memories of jc1 when we played tog everyday.. sigh the good old days.. now everyone in diff unit in NS.. ant in air force weida OCS signal.. chengyen MAN signal.. marcus studyin MED at NUS.. gonna be CPT (DR).. lol.. i am still a trainee in SISPEC.. lol..
met the girls.. caught up w their lives.. everyone's gd.. nice! din manage to watch fireworks w peiyi n yuguang.. the crowd was jus too imba.. i couldnt stand it n went home.. haha
i realise my last entry.. i forgot to press POST.. lol.. so i guess they dun wan me to KB so much.. haha.. well i wont rewrite tt entry.. anyw it is more or less consisting of complains.. haha.. NOW I FOUND THE SAVED DRAFT.. tt last ENTRY WAS POSTED..
i finally decided to blog..
field camp.. outstanding!! first was the normal setting up campsite.. slping area.. den went to train.. 1st day training was more or less simple.. since we learnt most of the things in BMT alr.. i helped out in the digging of shitholes!! it was fun.. sat on the "grinder" which grinds a hole.. while others turn.. i was the weight to provide the downward force.. haha.. so fun!! it is like merry go round!! it rained at night.. or it poured!!! kenneth dived into my "tent" and broke it.. gd job!!! slpt in the training shed..
nxt day, more lectures and training.. PC attached to us.. freaking hell shag (for my section mates) - i played the role of enemy too many times by chance.. i wasnt tryin to slack.. my only drill was playin role of matador carrier.. freaking heavy.. i felt bad for the other guys who kept doin drills.. PC always asked us to redo due to our "poor, not up to standard" performances.. slpt under the stars tt nite.. nice!
3rd day.. quick attack n it rained n i happened to be the enemy AGAIN!! wtf.. NINJA lost his magazine during the drill.. but we found it back.. learnt to do ambush.. was laughin durin lesson kena by STAFF to stand in front to do explanation of how to ambush.. since i listened to his lecture, i din get humiliated.. i guess tts the time he starts to target me.. anyw fk him la.. had trip flare set up at night.. 150000 candles damn powerful, it brightens up the night!!
last day back to camp!! in the grp to clear the shitting area.. filled up shit holes.. carried shit hole covers back to tonner.. the best of all.. get FK by the STAFF.. insulted me by sayin i had no intelligent (sry folks.. his english poor).. i helped to get them a pair of gloves n tio NO INTELLIGENT becos i din take the initiative to help him.. wtf.. the others were eating lunch.. i havent had my lunch yet!! he even told my sergeant in future when finding ppl to do work.. ask ppl with more intelligent!! as if i was borned to work for "stupid" ppl who signed on.. back at camp.. even the fkin storeman played me like a clown.. freaking unfit low life!
the v nxt day.. guard duty while ppl night out.. was supposed to be desk worker.. but some guy in my platoon said his knee pain due to field camp.. i tio switch to sentry.. suck thumb qk!! as if my knee not pain.. but it's a blessing in disguise.. got to make acquitance w KILO 2ic.. some v nice warrant who asked me (PR) on opinions on NS and national education..
alot of live shooting on sat n sun.. semi auto weapons are damn cool w life rounds.. spam bullets like crazy..
did SOC on tuesday n failed low rope.. ran slowly back to finishing line.. STAFF saw me.. kb me TALK SO MUCH CANT RUN.. i guess he really targets me for gd.. wednesday RETEST.. passed 8min40+secs.. so much for cant run.. lol..
STAFF took it out on PLATOON 4.. kb us for no discipline.. said we were wasting other platoon's time.. made us no.1 enemy of the rest of the platoons.. dinesh fking backstab me during AAR.. v nice of him.. since he wants it tt way.. i give him his way.. if he pronounce my name wrongly again.. i will say he is insulting me.. y show face to some insensitive hypocritical idiot?!
qk owns him
nxt day, more lectures and training.. PC attached to us.. freaking hell shag (for my section mates) - i played the role of enemy too many times by chance.. i wasnt tryin to slack.. my only drill was playin role of matador carrier.. freaking heavy.. i felt bad for the other guys who kept doin drills.. PC always asked us to redo due to our "poor, not up to standard" performances.. slpt under the stars tt nite.. nice!
3rd day.. quick attack n it rained n i happened to be the enemy AGAIN!! wtf.. NINJA lost his magazine during the drill.. but we found it back.. learnt to do ambush.. was laughin durin lesson kena by STAFF to stand in front to do explanation of how to ambush.. since i listened to his lecture, i din get humiliated.. i guess tts the time he starts to target me.. anyw fk him la.. had trip flare set up at night.. 150000 candles damn powerful, it brightens up the night!!
last day back to camp!! in the grp to clear the shitting area.. filled up shit holes.. carried shit hole covers back to tonner.. the best of all.. get FK by the STAFF.. insulted me by sayin i had no intelligent (sry folks.. his english poor).. i helped to get them a pair of gloves n tio NO INTELLIGENT becos i din take the initiative to help him.. wtf.. the others were eating lunch.. i havent had my lunch yet!! he even told my sergeant in future when finding ppl to do work.. ask ppl with more intelligent!! as if i was borned to work for "stupid" ppl who signed on.. back at camp.. even the fkin storeman played me like a clown.. freaking unfit low life!
the v nxt day.. guard duty while ppl night out.. was supposed to be desk worker.. but some guy in my platoon said his knee pain due to field camp.. i tio switch to sentry.. suck thumb qk!! as if my knee not pain.. but it's a blessing in disguise.. got to make acquitance w KILO 2ic.. some v nice warrant who asked me (PR) on opinions on NS and national education..
alot of live shooting on sat n sun.. semi auto weapons are damn cool w life rounds.. spam bullets like crazy..
did SOC on tuesday n failed low rope.. ran slowly back to finishing line.. STAFF saw me.. kb me TALK SO MUCH CANT RUN.. i guess he really targets me for gd.. wednesday RETEST.. passed 8min40+secs.. so much for cant run.. lol..
STAFF took it out on PLATOON 4.. kb us for no discipline.. said we were wasting other platoon's time.. made us no.1 enemy of the rest of the platoons.. dinesh fking backstab me during AAR.. v nice of him.. since he wants it tt way.. i give him his way.. if he pronounce my name wrongly again.. i will say he is insulting me.. y show face to some insensitive hypocritical idiot?!
qk owns him
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