trouble at home.. problems w myself..

i was kind of discouraged when i looked up nus to re-apply med. this sinking feeling when i saw the same old pt system which includes PW. i was rejected once, i really dun think i will be shortlisted for interview w the same old grades. even if i was shortlisted, how am i going to speak well when i am not even updated on current affairs, not to say those regarding healthcare. studyin med isnt a passion or anything, it is jus an alternative since i oso duno wat i want.

look ahead, wat career can i get? my mom has been wanting to talk abt my uni re-application since she reached home. i jus get this annoyed feeling tt everytime when i am back home, i will be reminded to do certain things, or get into some discussion which probably wud end up without any conclusion. my parents jus want to noe or assurance wats my final opinion on my uni applications. the discussion which had undergone for several times in the past, will end up without any real conclusion. even i can predict the conclusion - let's set wat we've discussed tonight as the newest update. y do u need so many updates?!? it is jus irritating n draining on me (which i cant explain how).. now my mom is kinda turned off n she left me alone when i raised my voice. she commented tt i shudnt talk to her like how i talk in camp (bringing army back home).. i really dun understand wat my mom is thinking, i guess she is fed up w my attitude too..

i have to agree tt i am much fiercer in camp, talkin to ppl w more authority n kinda unreasonably. but i never even spoke to her in tt manner. i was jus really irritated by her keep wanting to initiate a discussion.

wat to do? i can jus put the blame on myself.. lacking in confidence, inability to look far ahead --> useless me. i jus created problems for myself n got myself into a frustrated state, which den caused trouble at home.. sigh.. frankly speaking, i would rather be in camp now.. a place to escape from these troubles.. i am jus a coward running away. boo me..