kinda lonely

perplexity. wat is bothering me now?

"it feels nicer to be clicked than to click"

i dun wan to approach ppl to talk.. it is so against my character.. now i dun even feel like penning down my thoughts.. or i am too confused.. too much information to process.. cant categorize my thoughts sort them out n list them in an orderly manner..

i like this feeling of being alone.. i like it becos i am used to it.. the peaceful surrounding.. w no one arnd.. w the weather so nice these few days.. windy.. it really feels like paradise at home.. rappelz.. asura.. strider.. associated w the dark race.. the lonely kind of ppl.. jus like me.. mayb tts y i like tt character so much.. no more kahuna.. the name doesnt sound nice too.. lol..

listening to young folks sent by lsd.. although the lyrics doesnt sound v interesting.. tt music n the voice of the singers suit my feeling best now.. tt kinda tired of this world feelin.. tt kinda of restless voice.. using a bit of energy to sing louder at the chorus.. n the whistling..
somehow this song creates the image of a windy nite like now.. a couple sitting tog jus talkin softly to each other.. quite similar to my case? jus tt i am alone.. alone.. tts the keyword..

it will be esp exciting n it will definitely "save" me from being devoured by tt feeling of loneliness if someone talks to me now.. n leads the conversation.. i will be listening instead of talking.. i talked too much.. keepin quiet became somehow "cool"..

shud i adopt tt stand tt i always believed in? mayb i wun even follow wat i preach.. relationship problems are always so vexing.. i guess my expectations were too high.. i cant expect others to think the way i think.. it's kinda hurting to see tt line appear in the sms or on msn.. although i understan wat u really meant.. but the worst case scenario cant be tt.. if u were my mom.. i wud jus yelled at u.. tellin u straight how i feel.. even though it hurts.. but i cant make myself do tt.. i dun even feel like tellin u how i feel.. failure..

i think it is quite impossible to be close frens anymore.. jus normal ones.. or even not as close as normal ones.. to think abt it.. it is jus karma.. haha.. i created the trouble in the first place.. who shud suffer? haha.. me.. definitely..

amano ginji.. strike me!