insomnia

i guess this time i have to admit i am really affected by NS..





i duno if this is depression, but i really dread the idea of returning to camp.. esp delta.. those days when i had to book in for BMT or BSLC, it never felt this bad.. to think tt this is only end of wk zero.. i must be true to myself.. I HATE DELTA





there are times when i try to think tt it is jus abt endurance.. jus think positively and be optimistic abt the nxt 11 wks.. i seriously cant find a reason to do so.. pardon anyone reading.. FUCK YOU DELTA..





i dont think i am unreasonable here demanding welfare.. but for the effort the coy had put in.. we deserve some form of benefits.. NS is famous for screwing up my plans and schedule.. it is the same this time, i spent so much free time doin applications and in the end, it comes to an end due to my saturdays taken away by live firing.. or the taiwan trip.. initially, i dun think i have any right to complain since it is fated, unlucky to have those time slots.. but the OC's behavior this wk clearly demonstrated he dislikes us to have free time.. bastard.. to hell w u, at least for now..





back in camp, there will definitely be ppl telling you to face it.. u feel u are mentally weak not standing up to the "delta challenge".. others in camp or outside will encourage u to put ur mind off it.. it is really impossible..





my mom doesnt understand me too.. the impression she gives me is tt i cant slp due to the uni applications, she even asked me to check the email on the replies of irish uni.. sigh.. y cant she jus feel for me a little.. we are jus nt in sync.. she cares for me but she is always not thinking w me, assuming wat she thinks is right.. all parents are like this.. u jus cant help it..



FUCK YOU DELTA.. it feels abit better..